I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Domestic Violence occurs when a family member, partner or
ex-partner attempts to physically or psychologically dominate
another. Domestic violence often refers to violence between
spouses, or spousal abuse but can also include cohabitants and
non-married intimate partners. Domestic violence occurs in all
cultures; people of all races, ethnicities, religions, sexes and
classes can be victims and  perpetrators of domestic violence.
Domestic violence has many forms, including physical violence,
spiritual abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, economic deprivation,
intimidation and threats of violence.



1. He speaks disrespectfully about his former partner: “She used me.” “She was a
b***h.” “She got a restraining order just to get back at me.”

2. He is disrespectful towards you: He makes mean-spirited comments about your
appearance, intelligence, or body (sometimes in front of others). He minimizes  
your work inside/outside the home. He doesn’t value your opinions, knowledge, or
experience. He puts you on a pedestal-adores you, treats you like a sex object.

3. He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity  
that it makes you uncomfortable: He buys expensive gifts he can’t afford. He fixes  
your car even after you tell him not to. There’s pressure, subtle or explicit, to  

4. He is controlling: He wants things done a certain way.“You know I hate it when  
you cook that meat like that-why don’t you do it the way I like it” He has rules
you have to follow. Things have to be “just” so.

5. He is possessive: He wants to know who you’re with and what you’re doing all the
time. He criticizes friends and family, makes you feel guilty for spending time with  
them, or prevents or sabotages your contact with them.

6. Nothing is ever his fault: “That jerk at work complained about me and got me  
fired.” “You push my buttons until I lose control.” “My probation officer is out to  
get me-I’ve already done everything the judge said.”

7. He abuses drugs or alcohol: “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was so drunk.” He  
promises to stop using or he pressures and/or forces you to drink/drug too.

8. He pressures you for sex: He views sex as his right. “You’ve always got some  
excuse.” “Come on, I thought you wanted us to be closer.” “No wonder the last  
guy cheated on you.” “You’re frigid!!!”

9. He gets too serious about the relationship too quickly: He tells you he loves you  
when you’re just getting to know each other. He says, “I’ve never felt like this  
about anyone before” or “I’m able to talk and open up to you like no other.” Or a  
little later on, “If you really loved me you would be as ready as I am to get married.”

10. He intimidates you when he’s angry: He slams his fist down. He hovers over you  
or corners you. He breaks things and lashes out.

11. He has double standards: He needs to know where you are at all times but doesn’t  
tell you when he’s coming home late. He watches out for you for you “protection.”
When he helps around the house he expects lavish praise, while your
housework is expected, no work at all, or not noticed.

12. He has negative attitudes towards women: He uses degrading language. He doesn’t
respect female superiors at work or in his professional field. He describes
independent women as “b***hes” or “dykes” or is more subtly negative about  
them or their power. He makes inappropriately sexual or objectifying comments  
about women.

13. He treats you differently around other people: In public he may come across as  
attentive and affectionate, kind and charming. Others may compliment him. This
may add to the feeling that you’ve done something wrong or that you’re all alone  
and no one will believe you.

14. He appears to be attracted to vulnerability: You are much younger than him. He  
sought you out right after a painful breakup or knows you’ve been abused in the  
past. He promises to take care of you or help you overcome problems.

15. He retaliates or escalates when you complain about his abusive behavior: When  
you tell him something is hurtful or bothers you he does it more, especially during  
conflicts. He is infuriated when you call attention to his negative behavior and/or  
skillful at turning the blame on you.

16. He gives apologies that sound insincere or angry but demands that you accept  
them: “What the h*** do you want-I said I was sorry.” “I’m sorry YOU feel I…”

17. He undermines your personal goals and progress in life: He instigates a big fight  
right before an important presentation, exam, or job interview. He doesn’t want  
you to take that promotion that will mean more time at work or to go back to  

18. He denies what he did:  “I hardly touched you.” “You’re so dramatic-it was  
nothing.” “I didn’t even leave a mark.” “I never said that-you’re crazy.”

19. He justifies hurtful or frightening acts by saying you made him do it: “Why do you
provoke me like that?” “You made me so jealous with that guy that I lost control.”  
“You know exactly how to push my buttons.”

20. He gets physical when he’s angry or makes you fearful in other ways: He corners  
you, slams doors, breaks things, threatens you, pushes, slaps, or hits you.
For immediate assistance call our 24 hour phone line  303-280-3180
Arising Hope        2012
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